Reflection and Revelation.

Last night i couldnt sleep and my mind just kept wondering..My sister had given me some old video tapes that had been recorded back in the day.. They were of the time when we lived in Nebraska and i was in the 4th and 5th grade...As i watched those videos tapes i laughed out of sheer embarassment.. Did i really think i was cool pegging my jeans wearing diff color puffy socks, and white tennis shoes? Wow did i really need to rat my bangs so high and put that much hairsrapy in them? Boy when i said i wanted a butterfly wallpaper in my room, what the heck was i thinking lol..And yes my voice was really that squeaky... But as much as i laughed i cried...shocker Meagen Crying i know but i couldnt help it..Walking down memory lane was such a powerful experience for me and brought back so many memeories...It made me realize this: when i was younger everbody kept telling me i was too young to do this, and participate in that. Then the years passed and i became to old to do that and participate in this...What happened to the "just right stage"? As i ponder back watching old home videos i realized how much i didnt stop and enjoy the moment..You know the moments where your laying outside on a warm sunny day with the birds chirping , with your nose in the babysitter club books...(love those books).. It was so simple back then, so relaxing, and filled with so many honest pure moments..
As i watched that little girl i used to be i wondered to myself who was that little girl, what were her dreams, what were her goals? Did i even come close to fullfilling those dreams for that little girl, reach those goals i had set her? And the answer would be no..So now i watch my daughter as she plays alone in her room, Listen to her talk to herself, watch her color or paint, laugh and dance.. What dreams does she have? What goals could i help her make and achieve. and what moments can i help her freeze and appreciate and enjoy.. I think we live in such a different world, a competitive world, a world that forces you to put your child into every activity, every sport, not allowing down time because those times are filled with catching up with homework or stressing out if they have cleaned their room, and then feeling guilty later and going out to buy the newest movie or latest toy.. I mean what happend to the day of playing with mud, rocks, and sticks.. using your imagination outside to create a spaceship out of leaves and pretending the dog is a alien...This are the moments when we are adults that we will look back on. You wont remember the latest barbie doll, transformer or coolest ipod or nintendo game..its the small pure moments that you live to the fullest that help shape your character..
So today i decided to focus on those moments, to get out and make mud pies with my kids and not freak out if they get dirty, to pretend to fly high in the sky, to go on a adventure searching for gold...These moments matter, these moments are important...